Well, I'm back. Nine months later, I've returned to my blog.
No, I didn't have a baby. I find it fitting that the last blog posts I had written were about finding purpose in life and achieving the goals I set out for the almost-23-year-old me. And, guess what? I achieved all of them. (You can't tell, but I'm grinning ear-to-ear in this crowded coffee shop of mine.)
The real reason behind my disappearance from the blogiverse is that my boyfriend and I, after almost three years, broke up last March. And, if there's anything I learned from my past breakups and the three years he and I were together, it's that, when my heart's broken, I turn inward. People have a hard time believing me when I tell them I'm an introvert, but it's true. And the last thing I want to do when I'm figuring out my feelings and my future is broadcast it to the world.
The secondary reason to my leaving this blog on a virtual shelf in a virtual garage for the past nine months is that I found it difficult not to censor myself. I mean, c'mon — I work in public relations/marketing. And the first rule of PR club is this: Never, ever post anything on the Internet that you're not comfortable with the world seeing (forever).
So, away I went, dealing with my grief and uncertainty on my own, out in the real world.
I spent a lot of time avoiding sleep and dove into many, tiny side-projects. I moved into a new apartment with two wonderful strangers (thank you, Craigslist gods). I got promoted at work and made some really cool stuff with my really cool coworkers. I dipped my toe back into the dating scene (then ran away in fear). I dipped my toe (and subsequently ran away again) a couple times. I'm still figuring it all out.
In my blog's stead, I kept a hard-copy journal. I know — something that, in my first blog post, I said was impossible for me to do. Well, I've done it. And it's now filled from cover-to-cover with uncensored thoughts, emotions, stories and profiles of the most amazing people I have yet to meet in this short life. For the past nine months, this little blue book has been my therapist, my friend, and now, my time capsule.
I've had to do a lot of learning and growing in 2014, and now, here I am, rereading both my hard-copy journal and my neglected blog (filled with bright-eyed, optimistic posts for the year), and I carry no regrets for the year. I'm so glad I can look back at the year with letters from Past Me. I asked Future Me questions, and now I can answer them. I shared with Future Me all my doubts and hesitations as I trail-blazed the new, single-woman journey for myself. The coolest thing? I'm freed from self-censorship.
Look at this blog post. It's completely raw and unedited. Long live the first draft! One of my favorite literary quotes is advice from the great Hemingway (for whom I've cultivated a major obsession this year): "Write drunk; edit sober." I may not be drunk — hell, I'm nursing a hot chocolate right now — but the reason we're all so addicted to alcohol is it takes away the inhibitions that prevent us from saying what we really think. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of living in fear. I'm through with not saying what weighs on my heart. It's gutsy; it's risky, telling the truth. But, this year I don't want a single moment to go by without telling the people in my life how much I admire them, how much I think about them, or how much I worry for them. Life is too short not to say what we mean. Shed your own practices of self-censorship and join me. Let's make 2015 the most raw, unedited, #nofilter, genuine year of our lives.
As for me? I'm buying a new hard-copy journal today. Not sure yet which color to get to replace my tiny, blue book. This blog will be for more anecdotal and share-worthy posts, while my journal is for everyday use to continue logging the mundane and epic events of the year.
Looking forward to a great, new year with you all — xoxo.
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