On not over-thinking things (or under-thinking them either)

Every morning, I have a ritual. I listen to the ticks and tocks of my quirky analog clock that hovers over my head on a shelf, and I count the seconds I spend lying there, awake and resistant to beginning a new day.

At first, I say, "5 more minutes," but then doze off and wake to my second alarm.



So then I say to myself, "Okay, 60 seconds," and I begin counting and once again nod off to the soothing sound of time ticking away.

When I wake up again, I say, "On the count of 10": one, two, three....and after I've extended my self-timer to 20 seconds, I throw off the sheets and turn on the light, telling myself to "just stop thinking and do it already."

Such is my life.

They say you know you're living the dream life when you jump out of your bed, eager to start the day/go to work/live. Even on a weekend when I get to embrace a full day of sunshine and nothingness, I have to resort to my clock routine to find my way out the door.

I'm happy, but I'm also stubborn and a creature of habit. Is it really my fault?

Is anyone else like this? Does anyone else find motivation in the form of self-deception and coerced mind tricks? Instead of moping at my own laziness, I tell myself that I am a Jedi, and I use the Force for good (most of the time).

I originally bought the cheap-but-loyal ticking, black clock from Target with the hope that it would make me lose a sense of time. When I first added it to my shelf of half-read books and empty hat boxes, I would dim the lights, lay on my bed, and just enjoy the sound of time. Even now, I can pause the typing to appreciate the consistent, faithful sound of each second passing by.

I know, I know. Buying a clock to lose track of time? Dumb. But it was the best decision I ever made (I know that's not saying much). The ticking of time makes me think of so many things, like the idea that I spend 8 hours at work, and here I was listening to the precious moments that quietly slip on by for the sake of a paycheck. Or the notion that when I go for a run, I could just as easily spend those 30 minutes listening to the seconds tick on, motionlessly. It's like the clock wants me to be lazy. Then again, maybe I am just being productive in my thoughts.

Or maybe I over-think everything, and the rhythmic sound of motorized gears serves as the reminder that there is no time to waste on hesitation, trepidation, or remorse. Time waits for no man — or so the clock reminds me every morning. Just count to tick, tock, tick; stop thinking. And go.